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Holiday Pressure

We are right around the corner for multiple holidays. The most direct being Thanksgiving. This timeframe is about when most people get in the giving and grateful spirit. While the holidays are happy and upbeat for most, many struggle with the amount of pressure it brings between having to spend time with family, cooking, cleaning, decorating, running errands, etc. The holidays can be especially hard for adoptees. It's a time of constant mental reminders of our adoption and losing family. While grateful for adoptive parents, it can be hard to have the reminders in your face of not having the biological aspect of family and even how you ended up being adopted. There's so much pressure to spend time with family and friends.

In the past, I hated the holidays coming around the corner. For one reason, work got slower and that cut into my mental distraction and having to slow down and think about aspects of memories that I was not ready to face head on. I worked until the very last hour I could but the slowness of the office hours still killed me. Now, I have learned to appreciate the time off so I can slow down and address any thoughts and memories I have. I am naturally a self-reflector but not of my deep rooted emotions from my childhood. I worked on suppressing those memories for so long. Only in the last couple years have I made it a point to work on acknowledging my feelings and memories of my childhood. But even so, the holidays can still trigger past emotional memories that takes time for me to make peace with.

One memory that triggers more often during the holidays is the lack of memory I have of my biological mom's face. I only met her twice in my entire lifetime and she did not know who I was. The only reason I knew who she kind of was is due to the nurses with her saying "its your mom". Had they never told me, I would think it was some stranger showing up.

I struggle with the lack of memory I have of her. This memory naturally triggers the reason of my adoption, as well. The holidays are a bittersweet time for me. I am grateful for the family I have now, but it's still a trigger of the most deep rooted memories and sad moments.

I go bit more in-depth on this topic in my audio/video. Feel free to check it out.



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